I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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