u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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