would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
whose parrot is this?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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