DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We were destined to go to rehab together
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have fence marks all over my body
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
