i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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