I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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