LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
