the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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