Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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