Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Vodka?
Forever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
