U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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