What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
as a side note pls kill me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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