i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
