he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
