I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My breasts were aching with rage.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
