I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
