My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
