sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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