Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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