I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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