i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
