took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
