Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
