Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
