i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
