It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
