I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
