he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
