New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
