just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
