I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
