im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
