how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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