I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
