how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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