he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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