she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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