what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
