I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
