...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
