I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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