it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
