hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
