Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
