He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
