True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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