So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
