I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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