why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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