we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
