Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
